The Art of Communication

Written by Selene Candace

Being a sex worker enhances my communication skills significantly. To effectively sell my services, maintain a client base, and attract new customers, I rely on my strong communication abilities. Engaging with individuals from diverse backgrounds and walks of life requires not only speaking with them, but also observing their body language, movements, and facial expressions. This understanding of nonverbal cues is crucial in meaningful conversations. As sex workers, we strive to master the art of communication, which empowers us to enhance our interpersonal and relationship skills. This involves practising mindfulness while speaking, demonstrating respectful listening, conveying ideas effectively, and above all, fostering deep connections with others.

During my younger years, I was nicknamed ‘Miss Chatterbox’ and was recognized for my gift of gab. As I’ve matured into the woman I am today, I’ve also honed my listening skills, allowing me to engage in stimulating and thought-provoking conversations that align with societal norms. I have learned to utilize my voice effectively and listen attentively and empathetically when required.

For sex workers, it is crucial to interact, converse, and socialize in order to expand our client base. Networking plays a pivotal role in our business, just as it does in various other industries. As sex workers, we excel at networking and possess excellent negotiation skills.

Mastering the art of communication encompasses both verbal and nonverbal aspects. Verbal communication may seem straightforward, involving the use of sounds and language to convey messages. However, it is important to recognize that the same words can hold different meanings for different individuals. Since everyone communicates in their own unique way, it is easy to be misunderstood or to misunderstand others during conversations. In my pursuit of improving communication skills, I found Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, “The Art of Communicating,” insightful. Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist Zen master, peace activist, poet, and scholar, teaches the importance of mindful thinking in daily life. According to him, effective communication begins with understanding oneself. His book highlights three fundamental lessons:

  1. Every word you speak can either nourish or harm others: By understanding our own communication style through mindfulness, we can communicate clearly and non-judgmentally. This allows us to recognize that toxic speech often stems from inner suffering. With compassion, we can become more understanding and avoid taking their words personally.
  2. To communicate better with others, first understand yourself: Essential to communicating with others is the ability to communicate with oneself. By listening to our body and mind, we establish a connection with ourselves. Taking a few moments to sit and focus on our breathing aids in this process. When we master self-communication, our ability to communicate with those around us also improves, as we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
  3. Honest and compassionate speech nurtures others: Hanh emphasizes that loving speech requires telling the truth, even when it is challenging or painful. When conveyed with gentleness, honesty fosters healthier and more satisfying relationships than deceit. Trust is built through this authenticity, creating a safe space for the other person. If we lie to spare someone’s feelings, the truth will eventually surface, causing greater pain. Since everyone perceives and copes with the world differently, it is crucial to tailor our speech to suit individuals’ unique needs.

Nonverbal language adds an additional layer of complexity. As sex workers, we employ not only our words but also our hands, eyes, arms, and body language to flirt, persuade, and achieve success.

Allow me to share a story to illustrate this point. Recently, I encountered some Wi-Fi issues with my computer and decided to contact my service provider, Bell. They sent a technician to assess the situation at my home. As we conversed, I felt a connection between us, prompting me to inquire about his marital status. I noticed him glancing through my somewhat sheer t-shirt, which gave me the confidence to proceed. He responded affirmatively, scratching his head in contemplation. Without hesitation, I playfully remarked, “That’s too bad.” Confusion briefly crossed his face, but he smiled, leaving the door open for my next move. With a smug tone, I confidently added, “I could have shown you a good time.” That was all it took; he was hooked. A new client secured.

In this particular situation, I relied on my ability to interpret his nonverbal cues and assess his verbal communication. By attuning myself to his emotions and vibes, I could gauge his interest and receptiveness. This skill, developed over time and experience, allowed me to gain a new client.

Of course, not every situation is as straightforward. Misinterpretations can occur, and that’s perfectly okay. Developing such skills takes practice and patience. However, it’s essential to put oneself out there and take risks. After all, what is the worst that could happen?

Another time, just recently, during a work networking event, I noticed a gentleman across the room who seemed intrigued by my presence. I decided to approach him and strike up a conversation. As we started talking, I paid close attention to his body language and the subtle signals he was sending. His leaning-in posture, sustained eye contact, and occasional mirroring of my gestures indicated a genuine interest in our interaction.

Building on this connection, I skillfully steered the conversation towards topics that I knew would resonate with him. Through active listening and engaging dialogue, I picked up on his preferences, desires, and values. This deeper understanding allowed me to tailor my responses and further captivate his attention.

As the evening progressed, I gradually introduced playful touches to gauge his response. His reciprocation, combined with his dilated pupils and a slight smile, revealed his growing attraction. Sensing the right moment, I leaned in closer and whispered a seductive suggestion, accompanied by a mischievous smile. His receptive body language, leaning in even closer, and a subtle nod indicated his willingness to explore the possibilities. Next, I handed him my card; a second client secured.

In this scenario, my ability to read and interpret the gentleman’s nonverbal cues allowed me to create a captivating and enticing experience. By leveraging effective communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, I established a connection that went beyond mere words, ultimately leading to a mutually desired outcome.

Remember, as a skilled communicator, being attuned to nonverbal cues and adapting your approach accordingly can significantly enhance your interactions and experiences.

Effective communication as a sex worker involves a combination of verbal and nonverbal cues. Mastering the art of communication enables us to establish meaningful connections, convey our intentions clearly, and navigate negotiations skillfully. It is a continuous journey of self-improvement and understanding others.